BassGas begets mutant girl
A toxically-spawned mutant girl, not terribly unlike the population of dragonchildren of Meeniyan, has been found roaming the fields around the
BassGas energy generating compound in Gippsland. The plant, diversely described by locals as a 'blight on the landscape' and an 'industrial shrine to progress', was found to be leaking pollutants into nearby catchments, where a group of hermits were living in a humpy. Although the production of Liquid Petroleum Gas does not officially involve any harmful byproducts, BassGas is known to have caused leprocy, sour milk in dairy cattle, and an acute form of disfiguring impotence only previously seen in
post-Chenobyl USSR.
The girl, who is now in the custody of human services, speaks little English and appears to know little about civilised society. Sources have branded her as either a byproduct of BassGas or of the government-school system. Shocking photos of the girl known as 'Case #666' were splashed over local media last week. The most shocking of these can be seen on the left.
New 'Blog' offends epileptic community, cowboys
A newly established blog titled
'Gelastic Hat' has enraged the medical fraternity by making light of the term
gelastic. The site, which is styled alarmingly similar to this very newservice, opened today to a record number of hits, but has been inundated with complaints from sufferers and their carers.
Online reference site
Wikipedia states
"Gelastic is a term used to refer to a certain type of epilepsy or epileptic seizure. The seizures of gelastic epilepsy are characterized by spells of involuntary laughter. The laughter has been described as "creepy" (Chong, 2003) and "without true mirth" (Fisch, 1991).Gelastic epilepsy often results from a developmental abnormality of the brain known as hypothalamic hamartoma. But Gelastic Hat has also offended the world's cowboy community by associating their ubiquitous hats with epilepsy. Author of the site, one
E. Powney, has refused to comment on her blog, or apologise to both communities for making light of their jargon.
Unique piece of social history found
A lost series of candid photographs, featuring the little-documented and much speculated turn-of-the-century femme fatal
Lady Emily Powney, has been found in a private collection of historical papers and cigarette cases. Lady Powney, who was thought to be perhaps the most feared and influential scarlet woman of late Victorian Melbourne, reputedly lived a life of opulence, hedonism and
free love, long before such things became the social norm. The discovery is a coup for feminist historians, who will display the full series of Lady Powney’s photographs to a paying audience of mature adults in an undisclosed private gallery.
Powney, who was born in Cornwall sometime in the mid 1870s, travelled to Australia aboard the Spanish merchant vessel
El Muchachos and settled into a life of teen debauchery and laneway abortions. By 1890 however, she had mysteriously become one of Victoria’s most sought-after ladies of the night, often charging discerning gentlemen (and some well endowed women) outrageous sums for the pleasure of her companionship. Emily Powney soon wooed a courtly widower, Sir Alfred Tuxomley, whom she promptly married in a private and suspicious ceremony behind what is now the Carlton commission flats. Tuxomley, 84, who earned his fortune stealing the children of Chinese gold prospectors and selling them back at inflated prices, died soon after the wedding (it was reportedly less than 72 hours after the nuptials) , leaving Powney the title ‘Lady’, and his sprawling estate in Toorak. From there, Powney is thought to have started Australia’s first Casino, wild-west themed
Burlesque, and Cuban cigar importation business.
Little is known of what happened to her after the age of 30; some believe she buried herself alive under the stables on her property; others speculate that she was entertaining gentlemen visitors well into the 1950s. Whatever it was, the newly discovered photographs of Lady Powney assure that her enduring notoriety as a pioneer Modern Woman, and her disturbingly plunging neckline, will neigh be forgotten.
The exhibitions opens soon (rated X).
The girl, who is now in the custody of human services, speaks little English and appears to know little about civilised society. Sources have branded her as either a byproduct of BassGas or of the government-school system. Shocking photos of the girl known as 'Case #666' were splashed over local media last week. The most shocking of these can be seen on the left.
