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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Blonde driving the Blonde

The new Hyundai Ditz: the perfect car for getting blonde twenty-somethings from 'A' to 'whatever letter comes next'.

posted by S. Elliott @ 11:07 am 2 comments

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Maeby Funke's Birth Notice

posted by S. Elliott @ 10:33 am 0 comments

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Brandpower Woman Goes Too Far


For a lady accustomed to robotic spruiking and sincere pandering, the Brandpower lady has fallen from grace. Family groups were outraged at seeing the new Brandpower advertisment, in which our shining beacon of consumerism puffs on a joint. President of Families Australia Chester Favasham told CunTV "we are concerned that the Brandpower lady has gone too far. She tokes that thing for 30 seconds and not once offers a puff to her husband, let alone the kids. Is this the kind of twisted selfish ideology we want in the public domain? Jo Bailey would be much more generous... and what about all the other drugs? Its not fair on them. Just because marijuana has the big honchos behind it". Have your say; comment now.

posted by S. Elliott @ 10:47 pm 0 comments

Friday, September 08, 2006

Devious Stingray Hires Tree Costume, Kills Brocky

The cheeky stingray who brought a hasty (and probably numbing) end to the life of incorrigible personality Steve Irwin is also believed to be behind the latest death of an Aussie icon, racing driver Peter Brock. That brings stingy's tally to 2 this week. It is believed the creature entered a costumehire shop in Perth's outer suburbs, passed itself off as a 'local', hired a gum tree costume, and drove away. Later, as Peter perrrfect's ubiquitous Holden neared, stingy burst out from the side of the road and caused the accident, during which Brock was killed. Alarm bells are ringing in the usually blissfully ignorant lower class, as two ambassadors of Populism were wiped out in a matter of days. Experts are warning other popular Australian 'celebrities' to be on the lookout for any native flora or fauna. Those tipped to be next on the hitlist include Channel 7's Kochie, seminal 1990's songstress Max Sharam, and in an odd twist of irony, Ozzy Ostrich.

posted by S. Elliott @ 3:40 pm 1 comments

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Roof Seal, Drive Seal, Seal-a-fridge shot by Commercial Fishermen


Popular brand-recognisable characters are being targeted by commercial fishermen with harpoons and rifles. The Roof Seal and the driveway Seal, (unrelated of Wonthaggi) were shot and killed off Coronet Bay, whilst Seal-a-fridge Seal was critically wounded by a Harpoon from a trawler off Foster Beach. Rumours have been circulating in commercial-fishing circles that these three marketing referents have been responsible for stealing fish from commercial catchments over the past few months. CunTV wishes the Seal-a-Fridge seal a speedy recovery.

posted by S. Elliott @ 11:58 am 1 comments

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Ill-informed Corporation Launches Zany New Products



Inexperienced and incongruous manufacturer CunTV Foods Pty. Ltd. have just released a selection of bafflingly odd products. The new items have been greeted with trepidation by members of the public, but the upper-eschelon of the company's management believes that eventually sheer curiosity will boost sales. The confusing array of items available has been blamed on poorly-conducted market research, and a recent GORILLA OUTBREAK at the CunTV conglomerate's office tower.

posted by S. Elliott @ 5:21 pm 0 comments

Americans Mourn Oil-spill Anniversary

Americans are this month mourning the 17-and-a-half year anniversary of the horrific oil spill from the Exxon Valdez (pictured, courtesy of Wikipedia) in 1989. By far the majority of US citizens are bewailing the incident as a tragic loss of precious precious oil, rather than as the world's most catastrophic maritime environmental disaster. Hell... they sure could use that oil right now.

posted by S. Elliott @ 5:05 pm 0 comments

"CSI Moama" Global Hit; Echuca a bit Jealous

Production of another series of the popular crime/drama/sexily lit cop show has begun in earnest, sending the population of Moama into a frenzy. The schmaltzy show has made Moama's sister city across the river slightly jealous. Though they shouldn't complain; at least Echuca got a mention in the Beach Boys song Kokomo ... we think...

posted by S. Elliott @ 4:55 pm 0 comments

Friday, September 01, 2006

La polizia italiana interferisce Mooch nudo sul treno

Mooch รจ stato funzionamento interferito circa il sistema metropolitano di trasporto senza vestiti, dichiara i funzionari del connex e della polizia. Malgrado gli avvertimenti dai suoi amici, Mooch decisi per interferire un treno e un calibratore per allineamento senza suo toga consueta, o kaftan, lasciando il pubblico nella scossa e nel dolore alla vista del suo corpo grezzo della carne. "Era il giorno migliore della mia vita!", ha esatto un uomo destato senza casa. Copyright International News Bureau

posted by S. Elliott @ 10:51 am 0 comments